


Revas

by kaitlyn_avery



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Break Up, Depression, F/M, Fluff and Smut, I'm Sorry, Sad with a Happy Ending, Smut, lots of fluff, very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-18
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-03 03:35:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6594970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaitlyn_avery/pseuds/kaitlyn_avery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Well of Sorrows, everything goes to hell. Solas tells her she is free. But are we ever truly free?</p>
<p>Be prepared for tears, this will get pretty sad. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If any of you guys are triggered by self-harm or suicide related content, then please don't read this story. Such things will happen in future chapters and I would hate for any of you guys to suffer. I'm a sucker for a super depressing fanfic. Please leave feedback and enjoy!!

She thinks it all started after the Well of Sorrows.

Solas was indescribably angry with Ellana's decision to drink from the Well. But what other choice did she have? Morrigan was sure to use it for her own greed.

When they'd gotten back to Skyhold, Solas lectured her as if she were a child... But she let it slide. She understood why he was mad. He would get over it. But the look on his face when she had finally calmed him down- it shook Ellana's very core. The expression was sad, but full of adoration and respect. She felt that she knew then that he really loved her. 

____________________

 

Then he took her hand and led her to Crestwood. The cave was beautiful. Solas was beautiful. Life was beautiful. 

But then- "the truth..." The vallaslin. They were slave markings.

Of fucking course they were. The Maker did like a little bit of irony, now didn't he? Once everything had fallen in place, it all came crashing down.

Solas offered a spell, and Ellana gladly took it. She was willing to throw away anything to be perfect for him, right?

His hands glided through her golden hair, skimming over the freckles that dusted her elegant face. In Solas's eyes, Ellana was already perfect. She was a true goddess. Wonderful, raw, and pure. Utterly gorgeous and kind, but willing to put her foot down when necessary. She was amazing.

And all he would do is ruin her. And she would let him, because they were too in love to do otherwise.

"Ar lasa ma revas. You are free," the words slipped from his tongue like silk. Her warm brown eyes slitted open and gazed lovingly up at him, a new found hope glistening there.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered. Her lips turned up to form a small smile.

Finally the urge to kiss her became unbearable and he captured her soft lips in his own. She let out a small gasp before kissing back with everything she had and grabbing the corse canvas of his torso.

It was so easy to get lost in her gentle sighs and her smooth skin. Solas allowed his hands to move down over Ellana's firm ass. Something he had thought about constantly whenever she was near. She gripped his shirt with fierce longing as she felt his hard length pressing against her stomach. Their hands started roaming everywhere, in a frenzy. Ellana couldn't hold back the tiny moans that escaped from her mouth as she started rocking against him, in search of some relief for the throbbing heat pooling within her. They'd never gone all the way. But she wanted to so bad. 

Solas growled into her mouth and pulled on her hair to reveal her neck. The mewl that she released as he bit and sucked on her throat was sublime. The grip that his long fingers had on her hips was nearly bruising.

He wanted her so bad that it hurt.

And that's why it had to stop. 

He went back up to kiss her lips again. This time gentler, because he knew that it would be the last one. Solas couldn't do this to her any longer- knowing that her loving gaze would turn into a vengeful sneer as soon as she discovered who and what he really was. He had planned to tell her. To explain everything. But he couldn't. Or maybe he simply wouldn't. 

It took every ounce of his being to let her go. He could feel all of his stoic composure breaking. 

Ellana's brow furrowed with confusion. He could already feel his throat closing.

"I apologize. I distracted you from your duty. It will not happen again."

_______________________

 

Time completely stopped. Ellana was frozen in place as an overwhelming sorrow clenched at her already chipped heart. 

What did she do wrong? Why couldn't she just be happy for a little while? 

She stood there silently for what seemed like hours, staring at his mouth- which was still rosy and raw from their kisses just moments ago- and his necklace that always hung from his neck. 

"What?" was all she could muster, still avoiding his eyes. Solas started backing away and pushing off her clinging hands. She hadn't realized she was still gripping onto his arms. They fell limply to her sides, as if they were dead. 

"Vhe..." he started, but stopped when he saw the tears... He'd never seen Ellana cry. No one had. Not even after she lost her clan. 

"Please don't go- not now- I love you," the words came out in broken hiccups. Her hands rose up to cover her face.

He had to fight the urge to grab her and never let her go, so he settled for clenching his fists.

"I-I can't," was all he could manage. He watched in horror as she drew in a ragged breath and turned her back to him. Ellana hugged herself to try and lessen the trembling that was racking her body. 

"Ok... I don't want to force you to be with me- if you don't love me... then please just go," she whimpered. Everything was spinning and she could feel herself ripping apart from the inside out. 

I am such a fool, she thought. Had she really thought that he loved her? Why would he? She was simply a child thrown into a position of power. Outside of that she was nothing. Absolutely useless.

Solas could now feel his own hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He wanted to show her just how much her adored her. He wanted to show her all of the pleasures he could offer her. He couldn't live with her thinking that he didn't love her. But he would have to. He had too many responsibilities to allow his feelings and hers to decide the fate of the world.

After a moment, he turned and left, feeling queasy and faint. He nearly collapsed when he heard his vhenan let out a heart wrenching sob. Solas leaned on the wall of the cave to steady himself. He took a minute to wipe away his tears and then he left for Skyhold, leaving Ellana alone with her anguish and her turmoil.


	2. Chapter 2

The walk back to Skyhold was blurry and cold and very long. Ellana never went back to camp and never called her horse and more than likely collapsed a few times. But nothing seemed very important anymore.

The tears had thankfully stopped, but now she was left with only an aching emptiness. She didn't feel like a person anymore... She just felt like the Inquisitor. A figurehead that lacked any emotions or remorse. A fierce mage who fought for the greater good. She didn't feel like fighting anymore. 

All she wanted was to be Ellana again. Ellana back before the Conclave. Before the Anchor. Before Solas. She wanted to be the girl who was full of love and happiness. The girl that enjoyed sweets and reading and dancing and music. She wanted that back. But now her clan had abandoned her, and nobody wanted Ellana back. No- they wanted the Inquisitor. And that's what she would be from now on. Always. 

The Sun had already set by the time Ellana reached Skyhold and she longed to be buried in her bed in heavy silence. 

Unfortunately, not everyone had gone to bed yet, so she had to ignore the lingering stares from visiting dignitaries. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she'd seen Solas standing in the doorway of the rotunda, but she refused to check. She stalked up the stairs to her quarters, fuming with newfound indignation. How dare he do this to her? He wasn't allowed to make her feel weak. Ellana needed to do something for herself. 

She swung open her door and locked it behind her, not wanting to do deal with anyone until morn. Her eyes latched onto a pair of shiny scissors sitting on her desk. By this time, she had stopped using her thoughts. Ellana was going completely autopilot. 

The next thing she remembered was banging on the door and golden hair covering the floor. She dropped the scissors and ran to the only mirror in her room. She was staring into the face of a stranger. Her hair was cut choppily around her jaw and her face was alien. Her eyes were bloodshot and bright- they seemed to be turning green. She'd never noticed just how many freckles she had. They'd been covered by the marks of June for as long as she could recall. Everything was so fucked up. 

She couldn't help the sharp breath that she drew when she heard the small *click* come from her door. She hadn't even noticed that the knocking had stopped. Ellana panicked and ran to hide in her bed, extinguishing the only lit torch in the room as she went.

____________________________

 

"Dorian! Come on! I've got it open!" Varric yelled down the hallway. The Vent rushed back up the stairs, purposefully pushing past a frozen Solas. 

"Bastard," he muttered.

Varric stood quietly at the top of the steps that led to Ellana's bedroom. Dorian slowly ascended up, unsure of what he'd find there. 

He knew Ellana and he knew how kindhearted she was. And the kindhearted are always taken advantage of. When Solas returned alone with only a look of hollowness accompanying him, he'd known something went wrong. He had gotten a small glimpse of Ellana's face and it broke his heart. Her vallaslin was gone and she looked scared and wounded and utterly sorrowful. But she was gone before he could catch her. They had been pounding on her door for nearly thirty minutes before Varric started picking the lock. While he was busy doing that, Dorian decided to go scream at Solas for a few minutes. And Solas- that son of a bitch- didn't say a word.

He could only see Ellana's silhouette through the moonlight coming from the balcony. He snapped his fingers, lighting a nearby torch, but never looking away from Ellana, as if fearing that if he were to take his eyes off her, she would disappear. Dorian took a few steps towards the mattress. His hand carefully resting on her arm and he sighed when she flinched from his touch. 

"Ellana... What happened?" he whispered. 

She let out a shaky breath, indicating she was crying. Dorian and Varric waited, uncertain on what they should do. 

"Snowflake... Please, we care about you... You can talk to us," Varric murmured from the entrance of the room. 

"Please talk to us," the other mage repeated. But Ellana wouldn't move. The Vent sneered and clenched his fists, turning towards the stairs.

"Kaffas! That belligerent asshole will pay-" 

"No!" Ellana shot up from her blanket nest with a look of absolute terror. Varric couldn't hold in the small gasp that escaped when he saw her bare face and short hair. The vallaslin that once adorned her face were now replaced with blotchy tear stains and scratch marks. Her hair stuck to the damp remnants of her profile, and her eyes were crazed, dancing between orange and green. 

"Please! He can't know. They can't know I'm like this- please-" her chin quivered slightly as she pled. Dorian pulled her into a bruising hug, breathing in her scent. She was so small and fragile, but also so strong. How could she bare all of this torment?

"Ellana- I am so sorry... what happe-" 

"I don't want to talk about it. Please." She wiped away her remaining tears and pulled in Varric as he approached. Varric wrapped his arms around her and soothingly stroked her back. 

"Short hair suits you, Snowflake," he tried. She pulled back with a small grin, but it didn't reach her eyes. 

"I'm glad you think so."

"We can clean it up later, sweetie," Dorian whispered, twining his fingers through her new locks. Ellana let out a short laugh and hugged Dorian again. She was touchy when she was sad. 

"Is there anything we can do, if you don't want to talk about it?"

__________________________

 

Solas had been standing at the bottom of her stairs for the past ten minutes, listening to what they were saying. He had already missed her so much and it'd only been a few hours. The way she sounded up there was tearing him apart. All he wanted was to go to her and forget everything else. Tell her how wonderful she was and how beautiful she was. But Fen'Harel had a bad habit of tormenting himself and the people he loved, so he settled for listening in on their private conversation. 

He was able to gather that Ellana had chopped her hair off, which she probably did to spite him, but he couldn't blame her. He deserved hell for everything he'd done to her.

"Is there anything we can do, if you don't want to talk about it?" He heard Dorian say. Then some rustling and sniffling. 

"Do you think you can put me to sleep? The voices from the Well are very loud and I- I don't know. I just- I want to rest for a little while, just a little while, please," she whimpered. This was what he had feared. Never ending voices that would trouble her day and night if she were to drink from the Well of Sorrows.

"Ellana... I don't believe I am capable of helping you sleep." Solas heard another trembling sigh.

"Would you like some tea and maybe some of Sera's cookies? We'll do anything to help. We love you, Ellana," Varric said. 

"That- that sounds awesome, you guys. Thank you," her voice broke again. 

"Alright. Ok. We will be right back with some mint tea and some chocolate chip cookies. And then we'll stay here with you all night if we have to."

"Yeah, Snowflake, anything for you." 

"Th-thanks. For everything." Solas rushed behind a nearby wall when he heard Varric and Dorian rushing towards the stairs. He watched them descend down the steps before going up into Ellana's room himself. He knew a simple spell that would ease her restless mind and help her sleep. Luckily, she laid down in her bed again, facing the balcony he had once treasured her on. Where he first confessed his love. He couldn't think about that now though. He waved his hand, casting the spell and he heard a tiny snort.

Solas involuntarily let out a small chuckle. Ellana always snorted in her sleep, something he found both adorable and endearing. He allowed himself to go inspect her. To admire her one more time. He gently turned her face towards his and caressed the tormented beauty that he found there. Her expression was peaceful, but he could see the remains of her pain. Tear-stained cheeks dusted with freckles and her short hair made her seem older. But no less beautiful. 

He slowly went to kiss her forehead, but stopped when she started murmuring. 

"Solas..." she sighed. He pursed his lips, already feeling the tears start to well. He could hear voices from the hallway getting closer. 

He softly pressed his lips to hers, savoring every part of her he could. 

"Ar lath ma, vhenan," he whispered against her mouth. And then he was gone again.


End file.
